So you get mad at people over the "little things"...
- Tamara Kerr
- 3 days ago
- 2 min read
So you get mad at people over the “little things”…
Do you ever find yourself getting really upset with people over something that is relatively insignificant? My family got into a four way mutual meltdown last weekend over who gets to eat the last hash brown patty and I’m going to chalk that one up to COVID cooped-up-edness (and yes that is a word I just made up, feel free to use it).
Unfortunately, sometimes we give the silent treatment and other times we may hear ourselves yelling over something that is really little and the other person is like, “what's the big deal it’s just a towel??” and then you go, “but there's a right way to fold a towel!” and now your companion is quite stumped because it's just a towel…
Well, it is very likely that you have a bigger issue brewing under the surface… a deep-seated concern or problem to discuss. We likely don’t do this consciously, but it feels safer to argue about the surface stuff - the little things – than to dive deeply into the relationship problems that are truly at play – lack of respect, lack of communication, trust issues…
This is where we get into trouble because if you have an underlying relationship problem bubbling up, you will likely still struggle to discuss the surface issues. No-one actually gets divorced because their spouse can’t figure out how to get the cap onto the toothpaste tube. Focusing on the insignificant things creates stress and confusion and rarely leads to solutions. In the book Crucial Conversations®️, the authors suggest we move from the content of the conversation (the thing we are dealing with in the moment – such as who is going to get that last hash brown) to discussing pattern problems (ongoing annoyances or grievances) or moving even deeper toward discussing those relationship problems.
If we can try to dive deeper and have the right conversation we might clear the air and we may even survive COVID… and breakfasts.
Love,
Tamara
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