Be gentle on yourself...

If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know that I am a huge cheerleader for using the skills of the book & course Crucial ConversationsÒ to improve your communication, get better results and strengthen relationships. I highly encourage you to get the book and watch it change your life like it has mine!

Being a Master Trainer of the workshops has given me a remedial course in the skills almost weekly for the past 13 years. People come to me for coaching, support, and to learn the skills because I am known now as the “Oooh! You should talk to my friend Tamara who teaches Crucial Conversations” girl. But you should also know that sometimes I wake up a little prickly, or I grow spikey as the day wears on.

At other times I find I’ve taken on the emotions and problems of the people around me and it gets to be a lot over time to endure. All those bottled up feelings that have nowhere to go, or no conversation attached to them, can just build.

So many women have been trained to be nice, comforting, sweet, and all the things… but sometimes venting can be a release on the pressure valve. We don’t HAVE to be anything we don’t want to be. We don’t have to pretend to be agreeable. We can show up any which way we want. We don’t HAVE to be perky and happy all the time, and we for sure do not have to be perfect. My family will gladly line up to tell you that I am far from perfect.

Even though I have the skills to manage my adrenaline and respond to life in thoughtful ways, I can blow up sometimes too. There are a couple of things I keep in the back of my mind for when that happens. First, this is NOT how I want to show up but if it’s happening, it’s happening I guess. More often than not I make a lot of effort to handle challenges effectively (and when you make this look easy, by consistently using the crucial skills, it doesn’t tend to look like you’re really trying… but some days I’m literally biting my tongue waiting for my brain to catch up with my sassy mouth.

When we do make the effort to show up in our best ways with people it adds currency to our mutual emotional bank account. If then, on occasion, I do flip a lid my loved ones know it’s not typical behaviour and they give me a bit of a break. Let’s be honest – what mom hasn’t said the same thing in a million caring ways only to be heard the one time she blows up? But as long as we try more than we don’t, we are getting somewhere.

So be gentle on yourself if the steam escapes once in a while…

https://youtu.be/ZXGlAECZxcE?si=Z9tbpv4a9npcTw8F

Love,

Tamara Kerr