Do you want to disagree without offending?

As a Master Trainer of the award-winning workshop Crucial Conversations®️ which is based on the New York Times Best Selling Book of the same name (get the book here), one of the questions I get asked quite often is, “how do I disagree with someone and not offend or create defensiveness?” and that's not an easy task.

I feel confident expressing alternate opinions because I know that doing so doesn’t have to create an environment of discord or confrontation. Using what I have called transition statements, I have been able to move into a discussion about my thoughts and ideas without what could feel like opposition. I have many such transition statements in my back pocket for moments where a regular conversation seems to be transitioning into a crucial conversation. For disagreeing effectively, I might preface my alternate opinion by saying, “I might see things differently. Would you be open to another perspective?” and that usually gets me the safety that I need to be able to disagree with someone and bring up my thoughts in a way that focuses on the problem and not the person.

At times you might need to disagree with someone who is higher up than you on the food chain, or someone who ultimately will be making the final decision. In these cases I try to reduce the chances of the decider feeling as though I’m trying to push my agenda or coerce them into a different decision. I just might convince them to consider other ideas, but I’m not taking an oppositional approach when I begin by saying, “I realize that this is your decision to make, and I will support you going forward regardless of what you decide. I do wonder if you would be open to another perspective? or… would you be willing to discuss the potential consequences of your decision so we can be better prepared for potential outcomes?”

Give some thought to the moments in your life where you might find that you are nervous and you become frozen or you feel that your emotions might betray you – keeping you in silence. In those moments pay attention to what you’re telling yourself. If you’ve got any negative self talk happening there, perhaps you can remind yourself that disagreeing and sharing additional ideas and perspectives is a GOOD thing, provided you do so respectfully.

This should help!

https://youtu.be/1VLGhuqfl2I?si=Utt5nWwYEaTW94ZG

Love,

Tamara