Technology is crushing your relationships

Have you ever had an argument over text? A friend of mine showed me a text message where she had asked her significant other, “are you mad at me?” The answer in return was simple, elegant, and filled with opportunities to read into it with tone… the answer was… “no.”

Maybe you would look at that answer and be satisfied that your relationship is on solid ground. Many of us would see that period and take off running with all kinds of assumptions with boiling emotions following closely behind. Who hasn’t had a moment of discomfort when receiving a text message in all caps? Why? Because of course the sender must be yelling at you. Your gut wants to all caps back, “Don’t you type at me in that tone of voice!” because it’s not possible that they have hit the all caps by accident and don’t know the rules of text fighting…

Maybe you have something important to say to somebody but you decide, “I don't like conflict so I'm just going to send a strongly worded email.” We have a tendency at times to hide behind our technology hoping that we won’t have to face a strong response. It seems to me that we are just delaying the inevitable, but now we are adding to the message we’re sending the idea that the other person isn’t worthy of an actual discussion.

Texting is a poor way to hold an important crucial conversation - in fact it leaves too much open for interpretation. When we do that we miss out on opportunities to truly connect and to really understand one another.

How about we use our technology for good? Body language is such an important part of the message that you're trying to share and receive. You’ve heard the old statistics that the message you’re conveying is comprised of 7% words, 38% tone of voice, and 55% body language so use your technology to go on Zoom or FaceTime and focus on what the other person is saying non verbally. if you absolutely can't do that then the telephone is the next best option for communication but now your tone of voice is going to be extremely important, taking on 85% of the message. The words you choose to use over the phone matter even more without the gift of body language.

Whether you’re hiding behind technology or you are just so used to communicating via text, snapchat, Instagram and tik tok, focusing on getting to dialogue will help you see better results faster, and at the same time you may find that your relationships get stronger. For more ideas on how to improve your relationships through better conversations check out the New York Times Bestseller "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High" (get the book here).

https://youtu.be/itDqWs8de6o?si=tjzehzgKCROKQxgu

Love,

Tamara Kerr